Lack of spiritual power, my fault, the church's fault both

My posts on this blog seem to be about levels of spiritual growth I feel I can never attain, or the fact that the churches don't teach us anything about such experiences. I could say a great deal more about both of these preoccupations and now that I've identifed them maybe that's what I will be doing in a more focused way.

There must be churches somewhere who do this teaching. It's in books after all.

Right now I'm reading back and forth in some books about prayer I've had for years, books I've read and partly read, and started to read and put down, books that have generally left me feeling I can never do that, but as usual hoping the Lord will find some way to use them to inspire me. For years I've read about prayer warriors who are able to pray for hours on end, who have very specific experiences they describe of feeling called to pray about a certain concern on a moment's notice, even sometimes something they know nothing about, and praying until they have the experience of knowing that God has answered the prayer, and finding out some time later that at that very time the concern was dealt with by God. They talk about "praying through" a concern, they talk about "wrestling" in prayer, or "battling."

These are people who take their cue from God. And that's how it should be. We are supposed to pray HIS will, not our will, be done. How many do this and where are they and why isn't this taught in the churches?

There's another question related to this that frequently comes up, that is: How can I know what God's will is? I have to say I'm thoroughly disappointed in the usual answers we get.

The question is really, How do I learn to HEAR FROM God about His will in the specifics of situations I encounter in my own life and the world around me?.

The question is not How can I learn to obey what scripture reveals of God's general will, His commandments, and so on. It may well be that the question is often asked prematurely, before God's general will has become our guide, but that is not what is said.

Sometimes you get the answer that if we stay in God's word He will communicate with us there. And He does, and often His communications are quite specific to situations. BUT this is still not addressing the question as it is meant, concerning our direct communications with God. He is the vine, we are the branches, that implies something pretty direct.

Most of the answers one gets from today's pulpit imply that there is no such thing as hearing from God so specifically and personally.

Why do we have the Holy Spirit then? Just sort of to be there in the background, believed in but never experienced, never to be an active part of our lives in any way we can be conscious of, just there to ensure our salvation and keep us persevering despite our lack of awareness of His presence?

No.

SO much more I want to say about this, SO tired. Back later.