Please help us O Lord to understand this that we may receive all You want us to have.

Which is it? Are we to believe, to take the promise by faith? Or are we to obey in order to receive the Blessing? The writers on the subject seem to say both, as if it is taken by faith AND earned by obedience. Murray says the Spirit is given to "those who obey" and that is scriptural but then he'll say what others say, that we cannot obey by the Law and the point of trying is that we be driven to take the promise by faith. And I feel I'm going to be driven mad at times trying to understand all this.

And why do we have to struggle so hard? Why was it simply given to the first generation of Christians but we first of all don't have their power and if we begin to notice that fact and desire their power we are run through mazes of confusion about whether we are meant to have it, whether it is something we should ask for or simply expect, or something we can expect only after we have lived to a certain standard.

(Note to myself: I need to quote from Watson's White Robes and Murray's The Full Blessing of Pentecost, which have driven me to this point today. )

I BELIEVE SOMETHING HAS HAPPENED THAT THESE WRITERS ARE TALKING ABOUT AND I WANT IT WHATEVER IT IS BUT A PERSON COULD BE DRIVEN OUT OF HER MIND BY THIS DISPUTE. OH LORD HAVE MERCY, OH LORD SAVE US, OH LORD DON'T LEAVE US IN THIS STRUGGLE AND USELESSNESS IF IT IS NOT NECESSARY.

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